thats something that i really struggle with if im being honest. im always saying ¨thy will be done lord¨ and then the next minute im disappointed or frustrated on the inside when something doesnt go the way that I had wanted it to go. really though on the mission ive asked myself something over and over again... why is it that in the period of my life that i am living the gospel the most consistently that i am also the most conscious of my own faults and sins? its been strange to me really. but i think in part elder bednars talk on saturday answered that. its a healthy fear of god. if i dont worry about my salvation then i am not progressing anymore. if i take for granted the greatest sacrifice and act in the history of the world and cease to rely on christ in everything that i do then really i dont have love for god or christ! i have to come to the fact that i will never feel perfect. its not achievable.. but what we strive for isnt perfection in this life. its better than what we were. obviously i cant progress unless i repent and turn from sin, but i also cant do it if i dont accept my own disabilities as part of my life here on earth.
so many of the talks answered so many questions that i had really. it was awesome. in our sector we had two investigators sergio, and german, come to the conference and they really liked it! they both are going to take a lot of work but we can do it!
one of the things my comp has helped me realize again as kind of a refresher is the spirit of the work. i think over the past six months i had developed just a nonstop motor of wanted baptism dates and progression from investigators but somewhere along the way maybe i lost a little bit of the love and attention they deserve. maybe i lost the sight of what christ would do if he were in my place.. help people! over the past couple weeks we may not have had any baptisms or really much of anything to be honest, but we have tried to help every single person that we talked with! ive loved it and really i feel like im learning more from the new missionary than he is from me! thats good right? but weve gotten to be really good friends and are getting along really well. we spent most of the time in the streets trying to find people but also laughing this week.
this week before district meeting i was super down. i dont know why.. but i just felt a little bit sad. before we left the apartment i kneeled down and begged heavenly father to help me have energy for the meeting, not just for me, but because i knew i couldnt give advice to other people, or be an example for my comp if i was in the slumps. i didnt feel it at first. but at the end of the meeting i realized i had made it through but i was still a little down. i kneeled down again when we dropped the stuff off at the pension and asked again... and at the end of the day of a lot of work i realized i had done it!.. yet i was still a little down. i continued the process until after lunch the next day when i felt like i had wrapped my head around it and was good to go! i know that through constant and fervent prayer we can make it through hard things. im so grateful for the mission because i know that i can do hard things in the future if i depend on god and dont lose my confidence in him!
im here to show christs love for the people of chile as best i can as if he were in my position. titles, respect from others, and number mean absolutely nothing because as it was said in general conference... god really doesnt see us all that differently. i know i am super weak, but i also know that i can improve and make those weaknesses turn into strengths. the lord promises us that in ether 12:27 if were willing to toss aside our pride. i love the lord and ive gotten to know my savior real well these last 7 months and i still know that i understand absolutely NOTHING about what he did for me. all i can do is trust and have faith that after all i could have done it will be sufficient. i know it will be.
love you all and have an awesome week. CHANGE from the things weve heard in conference and APPLY them. take elder nelsons advice and think how can i make myself a better person after hearing these things. they were spoken by prophets of god, ive never been more sure about it in my entire life. love you guys
-elder allred -chilean street raptor
i dont know what is up with my camera. i think the memory card has a virus or something. oh well sorry <3